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When will it be deemed an Essential Service?

So today i saw an update from our clinic stating that they would be resuming services…. GREAT…!!! Actually no, when i went in and listened to the full update they mentioned while they would be resuming services, it would only be to collect eggs and do freeze all cycles.. I know this is great news for some women but it doesnt help me… Im stuck in limbo waiting for the day that they announce that IVF is an essential service.

I have contacted the health minister as i am sure many women have, pleading with him to review this. I know there is a lot going on and the poor man has never been so busy in his life, but still if the WHO deems infertility a disease then surely we should be allowed treatment for this disease, why make us wait.

The reason we have been given that they are not proceeding with embryo transfers is due to the fact that they dont want to put unnecessary pressure on the healthcare system, however in Ireland, the number of cases of Covid-19 are reducing. Not only that but only approx 6000 women seek IVF treatment in Ireland each year, then if you take the number of women who are sucessful, and then they amount of women that will need hospitalisation, surely the reliance on the health service is not that high that they would not allow us to become pregnant? When you then consider the rest of the population who can get pregnant naturally, the numbers are much higher. We dont need to interact with the HSE (health service) until 12 weeks and i would hope that by that stage our country is in a much better position regarding Covid-19.

I feel guilty sometimes and a bit selfish when i talk about it and try push for these things because I am healthy, my family is healthy and i have a roof over my head and a job that allows me to work from home. People are losing loved ones because of Covid-19 and here I am trying to have a baby, it doesnt seem that important in the grand scheme of things, but truth is my heart hurts, i just want this so much, i dont want to have to wait anymore….

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Week 2 in Lockdown

Anyone else wake up yesterday and hope that the government was just gonna be like April Fools, you can leave your house and get back to normal..? 🙂

There is so much going on in the world right now and so many horrible stories its hard to know what to beleive or even when it will all end. I went to try donate blood last week as they were short but because i had taken 2 of my injections back in March when we were going through the FET i wasnt allowed… Who knew, huh..?!?

I am so restless the last few days… I am working from home so stuck here all day. We live in an apartment and its just the 2 of us and we are definitely starting to snap a little bit more at each other . Its hard been on top of each other and only really having each other to interact with.. He is used to being here as he works from home anyway but for me i hate being out of my routine.

I am still getting out and doing my exercise. I worked out 4 times a week, usually, before all this started, Leigh is a PT so he trains me, but since things went tits up i do the home workouts that he streams for his clients and i have started… So probably doing about 4 runs a week, not too long as 1. i am not used to running and 2. I dont usually like it so trying to change that mindset. But if i keep it up hopefully it will keep me sane enough and fit and healthy for when we can get back to normal, whatever the new normal is… And between now and then hopfully i dont EAT everything around me…..

I need to think of things to keep me occupied… I asked Leigh if we can have a date night on Saturday, so im gonna do my tan get all dressed up and go for dinner (in my sitting room) F**K it, might as well keep the romance going before we end up divorced…!!! Although he does tell me ” we have to be married first…” 🙂

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Cancelled…

I found out initially through an Instagram post from my fertility clinic last night… this then led me to lying awake until 4 this morning, nearly, having a serious dose of “over thinking”.. You see i had it all worked out in my head.. we would go get the transfer, then according to the IVF calculator I would be due on December 4th, just in time for Christmas… my favourite holiday and first one as a family of 3… Not going to go as I planned it seems….

I tend to go full throttle when it comes to thinking/planning things… I am a disaster that way and I think that then leads me to being even more upset and disappointed than I should be as I have everything planned, from telling Leigh I was pregnant to going on holidays with a little bump to having our baby… oh did I tell you it was a girl( well in my head) . Anyway, I got a phone call this morning from the clinic to say they were cancelling all FET and fresh transfers… I get it.. Like as disappointed as I am I understand…. No point putting my unborn child at risk were this one to be successful, not with all that is going on in the world today anyway… And sure listen, I have waited this long, what’s another few months in the grand scheme of things….

Well this is what I am trying to tell myself anyway… You see today is my birthday so it wasn’t really the best birthday announcement to be given… I just feel like “when is it going to be my turn?” “When do I get to be pregnant and have a beautiful baby?” “Why me?” “Why now?” All of the thoughts were had so I had to get out of my head for a while and I did…

Mam and dad bought me a chest of drawers from Ikea that I wanted so I put my energy into making those… 3 hours it took me but it 100% kept me occupied… tomorrow I am going to help Leigh do some painting, Wednesday I’ll sort my room out and actually fill the drawer… I just gotta keep busy…

Oh an learn to cook… Leigh does all our cooking because he is so good at it but today I followed a receipt from Tom Kerridge cookbook and I did quite well if I do say so myself… A very tasty chicken and leek omelette…

Said omelette – I thought to take a pic after I had taken my portion.

So all in all a disappointing day but it will all be ok and work our for the best..

Stay safe everyone and stay sensible… xx

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Day 4,003,100…..

Trying to be patient is killing me this time… I am so anxious to get the transfer done… We had our 2nd scan on Monday and my lining was thicker than it’s ever been and has a lovely triple layer(I’m told)so I’m hoping this is a good start… my cervical mucas has changed to a very sticky egg like consistency(I know possibly TMI lol) which the nurse says is great, so I am very hopeful that it is a case of third time lucky…

The one thing that has me so anxious is that the transfer will be cancelled due to the covid virus… Or that I will get it and have to cancel it… I just have such a good feeling about this time, maybe I am being too hopeful possibly naive, but I really hope this is the one…

I started the progesterone injections yesterday and ouch… I have taken so many different types of injections over the course of all of this and they were fine, I don’t mind needles at all, but these hurt, not the injection itself but the injection site after feels like a bruise and I didn’t get this previously… I don’t know maybe I’m doing it wrong… Leigh was here the last time to help me but is away with work the last 2 days so maybe I just need him to do it properly… who knows…

My friend text the other day too… she is going through IVF also.. she has a low AMH so she is currently on her gonal trying to stimulate her ovaries. She told me her first scan she had 6 follicles which she was told is good for someone with a low ovarian reserve… I told her all you need is one good one… I hope it works out for her… I know she is feeling the stress and is on the rollercoaster with me… however we would both like to get off please….!!!!!

Anyway transfer day has been scheduled for Wednesday the 18th so light a candle for me and say a prayer this works…

First scan done

First scan done

Today I had my first scan to see how thick the lining was..: it was 6mm today so as I expected I am back in another week. My fematab dosage has increased from 3mg to 5mg… I also walked into the clinic today expecting everyone to be wearing masks due to the ol coronavirus

I have had so many scans that I have lost count but today’s one I didn’t like… like I know what I have to do and listen you can’t really be too worried about anyone seeing your bits, it is what it is so just get your knickers off, lie on the bed and cover whatever bit of modesty you can with the large paper tissue, however this time, I didn’t get anything to cover myself up… so it was legs in the stirrups and just get one with it… the scan itself was really uncomfortable and actually hurt this time and then when it was done I was even given tissue to wipe myself down from the gel… not that I enjoy the appointments but I definitely did not enjoy this one….!

We also went with the embryo glue for this round… I’m not sure if it will help. I know there have been studies completed on it but there is no conclusive evidence that it actually works but once it doesn’t hurt then why not… I’m throwing the kitchen sink at it this time…

I’m unsure of how I feel about the nurse who did the scan… I have had her a few times and she is a lovely person but there is something about her that I just can’t take to her. Like don’t get me wrong she is ,usually, great at her job she just missed a few things today and she is always smiling and happy but I don’t know, there is just something about her I don’t like…

Yesterday was a weird day too.. I was most certainly in a funk..: it was one of those days where I didn’t want to be around anybody but I also wanted leigh to just cuddle me all day… I just felt meh…! He was hungover so it was a great excuse to eat my feelings… McDonalds for lunch and pizza for dinner and all the sweets and crisps in between… And here was me thinking the drugs didn’t affect me in the other cycles… I clearly just blocked it all out…

Anyway today was a good day and I just got to try not wish the next week away and just try enjoy each day….

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One week in

So one week on Fematab… We have out first scan on Monday to see if we will be far off the transfer date. Usually the lining is never quite thick enough on the first scan and i have a 2nd one. i dont know what is ideal to be honest… I have been online and read so many different opionions of what different clinics do – some say 7mm and some 8mm…. mine i think are usually always in between the 7-8 mm when we do the transfer…

When you read different things you always think “i wonder is that why it didnt work for me?” its so easy to over analyse everything…. I also feel like i am constantly wishing my life away…. I just want to be ready for the FET, then once thats done i wish the 2 weeks away… When the results were negative the last time i couldnt wait to start again.. its definitely not a process someone can enjoy lol… Once i am pregnant maybe then i will be able to relax and not wish time away…. Most likely i will want the 9 months to pass so i can meet my baby so that wont happen either 🙂

Anyway its Friday and i have a weekend of doing nothing which i am very much looking forward too… I am going to relax, get my nails done and chill out… I have the house to myself tomorrow night which i cant wait for – a good movie and some treats i think sounds ideal… I also need to really try and get the hang of this blogging thing… Some research i think will be in hand…. I want to commit to writing at least a blog a week until i get used to it and see where i go from there….

Apart from wroting the blog i do love reading others from women who are in the same position as me with IVF, its comforting to know i am not alone… And then when i read the succes stories it really does give me hope that it will work out for me too……

I am starving so going to go and have some lunch but hope its a great weekend for everyone and sending loads of love to everyone who are on their own IVF trek… xx

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3rd round

So it’s time… round 3 for my FET… My cycle has just started and I’m not sure how long it’s going to be, we usually do transfer on day 19 but after the results of ERA I guess it will be around day 20… started on Fematab today.. Dirst scan on March 2nd to see how the lining is looking and when to start progesterone….

I hate waiting… I’m so impatient in general with everything else and this really does test my patience… at least I have a lot on for the next few weeks, including my birthday and a weekend away with the girls and work is crazy busy so hopefully it all keeps me distracted and the time flies…

Only 18 days to go!!!!! (Maybe)

Anyway a lot more drugs this time, extra progesterone. So as well as the gel I usually take I now have to inject it along with a buserlin injection the day after transfer… hopefully it works this time…

I always think “sure why wouldn’t it work?” Always hopeful but try not to get too excited either…. oh I dunno… sure there is nothing I can do anyway… just hope and pray that it works this time…

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PMS

Storm Dennis has arrived and it’s miserable out and to be honest my mood isn’t much better… I have noticed really in the last few years that I suffer quite bad with PMS…

The week leading up to my period there is always one, maybe 2 days where I feel, well, sad… I know logically it’s pms and I tell myself this but it doesn’t really help shift the mood… I also tend to feel a bit insecure about certain things… today it was my relationship… I know how much I am loved and leigh does everything to treat me like a queen but it’s just these couple of days I have doubt and feel anxious about our life together…

Sense of impending doom… that’s how me and my bestie always describe the feeling…. She is the only person that I know I can pick up the phone be absolutely crazy, say crazy shit, cry if I needed or just be like meh and she gets it… Everyone needs someone in their life with that, she is my person…

On the bright side, PMS means my period is due soon which means I get to start my next cycle and do our next transfer… not looking forward to the injections I have to take this time, usually it’s just fematab and progesterone gel but they have got my on progesterone injections too… here’s to being batshit crazy for the next 2 weeks(well I don’t think I am that bad, leigh thinks other wise hahah)

FET

FET

Another day another dollar… We are planning our next FET (frozen embryo transfer). Once my next cycle starts all the drugs start again… we have been through 2 already and they didn’t take which I was convinced both of them would… I don’t know if I was being really positive or really naive…

We had a ERA prior to this transfer which is basically a biopsy to see when the best day to do the transfer is… for most women it’s day 5 after starting your progesterone, which is the day we did the first 2 transfers… the results of the ERA actually came back and said the best day for me was day 6, so while it was an extra cost and it was quite expensive, I’m glad we opted for it as I could have kept going along with transfers on day 5 and been none the wiser…

So 2 more weeks or so and the journey starts again…

Who and Why?

Who and Why?

So who an I and why did I decide to start a blog? Well my name is Andie, I’m 34 and overall have a pretty happy life… the why, the one thing missing is a baby.Myself and partner are together 4 years and decided we wanted a family… the problem, I had my appendix out when I was in my late teens and there was a lot of scarring on my tubes, this led to me getting hydrosalpinx which in turn led me to having to have both Fallopian tubes removed. So our only way to conceive a child is through IVF and well, it’s tough… everything about it is tough so this is my outlet, pain joy, ups and downs, I’ll get it all out and maybe along the way I’ll help others…